Dark Days - (or where the hell I have been)

Or should that be 'the hell I have been through/going through'??


My old nemesis has reappeared. The Black Dog is back. I fought a battle with this monster some years ago and it nearly cost me my life. I had hoped never to cross paths with this beast again, but alas, he has found me and I find myself going through the same torment as before. For those who are not familiar with the term 'The Black Dog', it refers to depression. I have suffered through it in the past and was foolish enough to believe that I had beaten it. I now believe that it is like alcoholism and never truly is beaten, only contained until the next crisis brings it to the surface again.

I should have recognised the signs. Perhaps I chose to ignore them, denying that I was once again slipping into the abyss. Either way, I am here and I know it is a long way back to the light again. The dark days are here, and all I want to do is hide in the darkness and hope that the world forgets who I am and leaves me alone. Thoughts of death and self harm abound and it is all I can do to stop myself from acting on the impulses I feel. For the time being I still feel it is possible to survive this, and hopefully with medication and counselling I will be able to beat this again. I know it won't be easy, and that is what scares me.

I feel so alone, and once again I face the Dark Days ahead as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Wednesday Weirdness #44.

1. Is there a particular smell that turns you on? If so what is it?
The smell of a freshly aroused pussy. Other than that, I can't think of one.

2. Have you ever tried or considered trying a Master Cleanse type method to lose weight?
I consider myself fortunate in that I don't gain weight easily, therefore I have never had a requirement to try weight loss programs. On the other side of the coin though, I have tried various methods and formulas (shakes and the like) for bulking up or putting on muscle mass.

3. When you browsing a book store for reading material, do you find yourself checking out a book solely based on the cover design?
Guilty. I guess at times we all judge a book by it's cover, and after all isn't that why the cover is there, to grab out interest and make us pick that book instead of another?

4. Which 80's trend were you least happy to see come back this year; big shoulder pads or neon?
Big shoulder pads. I never liked them the first time round.

5. How long do you think could you disappear for until someone would notice your absence and start looking for you?
Probably not long. Kids have a habit of tracking you down no matter where you are. There are times when I can't even be left alone in the bathroom. Even being out of the house working, there would be concerns if I wasn't home by dinner time.

6. Have you ever walked out of a movie and asked for your money back? Which movie(s) and why?
No I haven't. I don't get to go to the movies very often so when I do I make sure it is something that I really want to see.

7. Have you ever changed your plans because of something you read in your horoscope?
Never. I don't believe in horoscopes and so I never read them. I certainly wouldn't change my plans because of them.

Wednesday Weirdness #43.

1.) What items (if any) do you get embarrassed to purchase?
When I was much younger I used to get embarrassed about buying condoms, but now I would happily buy a packet if needs be. I don't think I get embarrassed about buying anything these days. I may find it a little difficult to buy sex toys or objects as it is not something I have ever had to do, and I am not sure that I would know what to ask for.

2.) What sexual position do you and your partner/significant other use most?
If, and when, the opportunity arises, sex is performed in the missionary position. Mrs A. feels uncomfortable and dirty in other positions. Luckily, missionary is one of my favourite positions so I don't complain.

3.) What if you could sense and read the moods of other people? Do you think that would be useful or useless? What ways could you use it?
I think this would be an extremely useful talent to have. Where do I sign up to get it?? I never seem to pick up on the subtle signs that people supposedly use to indicate their mood changes, and I often end up making situations worse when really I have the best of intentions. This ability could stop me from making an ass of myself, although it would have to be really special to be able to do that.

4.) What is the last thing you broke by accident?
A glass in the kitchen. I was washing it and it just slipped from my hand and shattered on the floor. Luckily it wasn't an expensive glass, and more importantly, no-one was cut by the thousands of pieces of glass that went everywhere.

5.) If you had to lose one of your body parts what would it be and why?
I feel kind of attached to all my body parts so I am not sure I would want to give any of them away. If I had to then maybe I could donate a kidney or some other such organ. If I just had to lose it without there being some positive outcome then perhaps something useless like my appendix could be volunteered. External body parts, I might opt for something I have plenty of, like a finger or toe.

6.) How do you feel about anal sex?
It is not something I have had a lot of experience with, but I did enjoy the few times that I have experimented with it. It is something I want to try again.

7.) If you could have the ability to solve problems quickly and easily or the ability to know without doubt every time a person told a lie, which ability would you want and why?
I would take the problem solving ability. It would be great to be able to solve all kinds of problems quickly and easily. And if someone lied to you and it created a problem then you would be able to solve it, quickly and easily.

TMI Tuesday #65

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
Just to have lived a happy and healthy life to this point in time.

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?
To continue to live a long, happy and healthy life. Having just lost an associate to cancer, it brings home the value of one's health.

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?
Not much. I have googled myself in the past but it didn't amount to much. Maybe that says something about me, or perhaps I just fly under the radar?

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?
When I was at school I won a math competition and got to caddy for the Australian Cricket Team during a golf day between test matches. I'm not really a big cricket fan but it was quite a buzz to spend a whole day with people you have only ever seen on TV.

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?
Spiderman. He is so cool and I wish I could do all the things he does, including kissing Kirsten Dunst.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?
I doubt I would be connected to anyone famous. Although, I could probably say Pamela Anderson, or Paris Hilton and be close, because haven't so many people slept with them?

HNT #42 - Men In Black.

The good guys dress in black, remember that,

Just in case we ever face to face and make contact.
The title held by me... M.I.B. ...
... Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
The galaxy defenders. (uh oh, uh oh)
Here come the Men in Black. (Men in Black)
They won't let you remember. (won't remember)
(uh uh, uh uh)

- P. Rushen, T. Mcfadden, W. Smith, F. Washington

Apologies for the fact that you only get MAN in black, not MEN in black, but I figure you will let me off as I am giving you quality, not quantity. Those that feel they have been mislead can ask for a refund at the door (good luck with that).
There probably won't be any posts next week as I will be out of town for a seminar. A change of scenery might recharge the creative batteries.

Go see Os to meet this week's players.

Happy Easter All.

Wednesday Weirdness #42.

1.) What condiment goes best with french fries?
I always like salt and vinegar. I guess that is 2 condiments but they just work so well together. If forced to choose just one then it would be salt. Vinegar on it's own isn't so good.

2.) What condiment do you feel best represents your personality?
I'll say salt again. It goes well with most things, but like all nice things too much of it isn't good for you.

3.) If the love of your life was a different religion from you, would you convert for them if they asked you to?
I am not religious so it wouldn't be a big deal for me. If she was the love of my life then I am sure I could be persuaded to 'embrace' a religion, even though I know my heart wouldn't be in it and I would still be an unbeliever at heart. And the sex would have to be pretty darn good as well!

4.) What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
I don't know of any other way to eat peanut butter apart from spreading it on bread or eating it straight from the jar, so I will say that bread is my favourite thing to eat with peanut butter.

5.) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Yes, and No. Yes because it would be nice to be able to put your affairs in order and say goodbye to folks before the big day arrived, and No because I would hate the count down to the last day and it would be awful to know that you would be dead in X number of days. If I did know the day of my death then I certainly wouldn't start any long novels, or begin any big projects if I knew I wouldn't get them finished in time. Or get involved in any long running TV series if I'd never get to see the final episode.

6.) If you could change your eye colour to anything in the world you wanted, what would you change it to?
I don't know that I would. I don't have a particular eye colour that is a favourite. I like dark eyes on women, I find it sexy, but I don't know that it would look all that good on me.

7.) Are you more often the partner in crime or the good conscience with your friends and family?
Usually the partner in crime. I am easily lead. I think my conscience died from neglect.

TMI Tuesday #64

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?
Er, Yes! All my sexual experiences have been with the opposite sex. Perhaps this question is meant to infer an experience with the sex opposite to that normally chosen. If that is the case then the answer would be no. I am male and all my sexual experiences have been with females.

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?
Gosh, I really don't know. I do know that when I am attracted to someone, my brain usually shuts down and I can't think of a damn thing to say or do and so I end up standing there stupidly like a big puppy dog, staring and trying not to drool. I've never been very good at breaking the ice so I would hope that they notice me and make the first move.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer?
Neither. I haven't had much experience with either so I couldn't really say I prefer one over the other. I would like to try dominating though. I think that the power that comes with being in control of a sexual experience could be quite intoxicating.

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome?
I have never had a threesome but it is something that I would like to try. 2 girls and a guy sounds a lot of fun, but I wouldn't rule out 2 guys and a girl as long as I was one of the guys.

5. When was the last time you had sex?
Honestly, I couldn't tell you. It has been quite a while. Certainly not in the last month, and probably only once this year.

6. Sex on the first date...good or bad?
Good. I don't see anything wrong with it. If 2 people are into each other, and it is going to happen eventually, why not sooner rather than later? Except if you are my daughter (when she gets old enough to start dating) and then it is BAD, very BAD!!

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons?
I don't think so. I love having my nipples played with but I don't think that is 'out of the ordinary'.

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner.
Apart from a weakness for sultry eyes any other attributes would be personality traits. I like people who are easy going, compassionate, able to laugh at themselves, and who appreciate my sometimes odd sense of humour. Physical attributes are really just window dressings for the person that lies within.