TMI Tuesday #34 - Farting Edition.

I am back from my holiday. It was a long haul but well worth it in the end. Now it is back to work for me and back to school for the kids.
I have missed a few TMI's while I have been absent and I might go back and answer some of those questions later on if I have the time. I particularly like the 7 Deadly Sins topic and that could really get my creative juices flowing. But for now you will have to make do with this week's questions about all things flatulent.
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1. Are your farts;
a. Silent but deadly
b. All sound, no fury
c. Loud and stinky
Generally I fit into category b, very loud and trumpeting like an elephant but there is very little substance to them. Occasionally a silent but deadly slips out and I will deny all knowledge of it's existence.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.
I think Mrs A. was the first lover I farted in front of and that would have been after we were married for some time. By that time, each other's bodily functions were no longer private (in a sense) so I am sure the fart passed without comment.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?
If a silent but deadly escapes and I can't slip away unnoticed then I will usually try to apportion the blame toward the cat. He is a little older these days and has been known to have a flatulence problem so I am quite happy to allow bystanders to think that the cat has let one go again. After all, he is hardly able to deny it and I consider it payback for the number of cold nights I have had to get up to let him out and wait while he does his business before he returns to sleep by the fire.

4. What food triggers you?
The usual suspects, beans, legumes, curry, beer, and eggs. Those last 2 produce the ones with the worst result.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?
I consider them to be an indication of a good time being had, but I know many a woman who would disagree. I don't see a problem with them. They don't smell and I don't think they should be considered embarrassing at all.

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?
Absolutely not. I couldn't imagine anything worse than being trapped under the covers with someone else's fart. I would hate it being done to me so I am not about to do it to anyone else.