HNT #20 - If I Were A Carpenter.

(I got wood making this. Click if you want to see it)

If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?

If I worked my hands in wood,
Would you still love me?
Answer me babe, "Yes I would,

I'll put you above me."

(Tim Hardin)
(performed by various artists)

There were so many one liners and double entendres I could have used for this post. Screws, nails, wood and hammering provide rich food for a fertile imagination. Even my leather pouch came in for some serious consideration. I hope you appreciate how reserved I was in just using the one phrase to indicate the click through. However, I may go back and revisit this at a later date because there is just so much good stuff here. Be Warned!

For more HNT frivolity, pop on over to visit Os and meet the other players.

Wednesday Weirdness #17 and TMI Tuesday #40

Another 2 for 1 deal this week with Wednesday Weirdness and TMI Tuesday grouped together. The lateness of the TMI questions meant that I wasn't able to complete them yesterday, so once again I will stick them on the end of WW. Click the links if you want to play.

1.) Someone dares you to eat two cooked bulls testicles for 1,500 dollars. They're fried, topped with nacho cheese, belly button lint, lima beans, sweat rung out from a dirty sock and maple syrup and you have to eat it all. Are you going to eat it for the cash or pass?
I was going to answer YES to this question right up to the time when the belly button lint and sock sweat was added. The presence of those 2 ingredients means I will have to PASS on this one. If it wasn't for those items being included then this would be an easy $1500. I have eaten bull testicles before, but they are usually sold on restaurant menus as Prairie Oysters or something similar.

2.) If you were not getting enough sex in your relationship, how would you handle it? Would you cheat on your significant other?
This is the story of my life. I have tried to resolve this issue with Mrs A., to no avail, so I have resorted to cheating on her. It is not something that I am proud of, but I am only human and I have needs too.

3.) Would you cheat if you knew you would never be caught? Why or why not?
I cheat and I hope I never get caught. Surely that is the aim of cheating, to not get caught. If we knew we would get caught then I don't think there would be many people who would do it.

4.) If you could get rid of any of the late night talk show hosts and replace them with anyone you want, what late night persona would you get rid of and who would you replace them with?
I don't watch any late night talk shows so I don't know any of the hosts and don't dislike any of them enough to want to get rid of them.

5.) If you could get rid of one day time talk show, which one would you pick and why?
Same as the above answer. I don't get time to watch day time talk shows.

6.) Where is your favorite places on the body to be kissed? Favorite places to kiss?
I like to be kissed on the neck, along my jawline, under and around my ears, anywhere between my shoulders and my head. I think the neck is a very sensual area. As for my favourite places to kiss, I am happy to kiss my partner where ever she most wants and needs it.

7.) Do you watch porn? How does your significant other feel about that?
I used to watch porn, but hardly ever do these days. Mrs A. finds it abhorrent and so the only porn in our house now is hidden on my computer. I might sneak a peek at a downloaded video clip every now and again, but not too often.

TMI Tuesday

1. When was the last time someone hit on you? What went down?
I have been flirting online with my special girl, but other than that I can't recall the last time I was seriously hit on.

2. If you were single and could be with any one person, who would it be (thinking singer/actor or someone famous here, but whatever)?
If I was single then my girl would be the one for me. Famous fantasy people would include Gwen Stefani, Natalie Imbruglia, The Corrs girls, Penelope Cruz, Siwan Morris and several others whose names elude me at the moment.

3. Have you ever had done anything sexual in your office or your place of employment?
I don't think I have. Even at office Xmas parties and the like I try to be well behaved. The last thing I want, or need, is to have to face up to a sexual harassment accusation.

4. Do you apologize when you make a mistake? How do you react when someone calls you out?
Most of the time I do. I do tend to be a perfectionist so I find mistakes to be embarrassing and don't take it well when I make one, but I am big enough to be able to admit to it and apologise if it has brought grief to anyone else.

5. Top or bottom?
Not sure what this question refers to so I give it a miss.

Bonus (as in optional): Bonus: How old were you when you first had a willing sexual experience?
If you count making out as a willing sexual experience then I would have been about 14 when I discovered how much fun it was to seriously kiss girls :)

HNT #19 - Unwritten

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

-: Natasha Bedingfield

For more HNT fun, visit Os.

Wednesday Weirdness #16 and TMI Tuesday #39

Wednesday Weirdness comes bundled with TMI Tuesday this week. I missed the questions yesterday and so I have posted them today. I hope no-one minds.

1. How often do you talk to your siblings?
Hardly ever. I have one sister and she lives on the other side of the world. We are not close and only do the birthday, Christmas phone calls.

2. How well do you deal when given an ultimatum?
Not good. I don't like the 'or else' scenario and would much prefer to be given a choice.

3. Have you ever dated someone or had a lover who had an emotional or mental disorder?
Not to the best of my knowledge. Some have seemed like they have had a screw loose on occasions, but I don't think they had a disorder as such.

4. How do you feel about crossdressing?
It doesn't do anything for me. I might try it as part of roleplaying if a particular lover wanted me to, but it isn't something I am desperate to try.

5. Have you ever lied about the number of sexual partners you have had to someone? Why?
I don't think that I have. I can't recall an instance when I have had to inflate or decrease the number of partners I have had just to appease someone.

6. Does your significant other have the same political and religious views that you do? How often do you discuss politics and religion with them?
We differ on religious views. She has them, I don't. Other than that we are fairly similar and we don't often discuss the 2 subjects.

7. What sport, if any, do you find to be most boring?
Cricket. Test cricket specifically. I can't believe a game goes for 5 days and can still end in a draw. What other sport has meal breaks scheduled into it? Give me a break. Paint drys quicker.

8. Have you ever honestly peed in the pool?
Only as a child. These days when I swim I am mindful of the fact that I might swallow some water, and that doesn't bear thinking about.

And here is TMI from yesterday. Better late than never, I suppose.

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?
Only 1 thing?? Probably my head, or more specifically, my face. I don't have movie star good looks and sometimes I wish I did.

What is the one personality trait you would change?
I do tend to hold grudges for a while, so maybe I would like to be able to forgive and forget.

What is the one thing about your job you would change?
I actually quite like my job and don't think I would change anything about it.

What is the one thing about your home you would change?
Sometimes I just wish the kids would play nicely together. When they don't I turn into a grouch.

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?
I would give her a libido, or at least a sense of adventure.

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?
I can't think of anyone who annoys me enough that I would want them gone.

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?
I would probably bring my Mum back, because I miss not having her around even if she was an eccentric old thing.
Other than that I would wish that my new girl was here with me now so we could enjoy each others company.

HNT #18 - I Go Swimming (Olympic Theme)

Ooh, I go swimming, swimming in the water
Swimming in the river, swimming in the sea
I go swimming
I go swimming, swimming in the water
Swimming in the pool, swimming is cool
I go swimming

Peter Gabriel

If you haven't guessed already, I have chosen swimming as the sport for my Olympic theme HNT today. I try to swim twice a week as it is a good, low impact workout and provides plenty of thinking time during the laps of the pool. It is not as enjoyable as another form of workout that I could think of, but there is no way that I would get to do that twice a week so it is off to the pool for me. Fortunately it is heated or I wouldn't make it at all on these cool winter mornings.
Click the picture to see me supporting my country without my bathers.

If you want more HNT fun then go and visit Os. And don't forget The Other HNT.

Wednesday Weirdness #15

Wednesday Weirdness is here again. Click the button if you want to play.


1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?
I am too honest to keep the money so I would return it to the shop and explain where it came from. It may turn out that I could keep the money if it was unclaimed, or perhaps a reward, but it wouldn't feel right to just keep it. I know that if it was my money that I had accidentally left there, then I would appreciate it if it was returned.

2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?
I don't know that I would change any wedding traditions. They are traditions and that means they are part of the wedding ceremony. If you don't like the traditions then have a wedding that doesn't encompass all the traditional bits. My favourite tradition is the bridal garter. As a single man I got to remove 2 garters and I loved sliding my hands under the wedding dress to find the garter and then remove it. What fun!

3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?
Mary-Anne was always my favourite so how could I resist sharing a hut with her. The Howells would be my choice of who not to share with. I seem to remember them bickering a lot.

4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?
I am assuming that we are talking about using someone else's name by mistake. That has never happened to me (touch wood).

5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?
I don't know what stage name I would use. When I was much younger (teenager) I thought it would be great to have a band called 'C'. It had a kind of mysterious quality to it and would lend itself to great album names, like 'C Horse', 'C Weed', etc. I remember having a whole list of them at one time. Obviously then, I would want to be famous as a musician. I think I could have handled the rock and roll lifestyle for a while.

6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?
Absolutely. But only with Mrs A. On the rare occasions that we have sex, it is usually quite mundane and so I often imagine I am with some other person. When I am with someone else I don't have to fantasize because they are my fantasy.

7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?
Definitely too loud. I appreciate the quiet much more these days and I don't think it could ever be "too quiet" anymore.

TMI Tuesday #38

Here are my TMI questions and answers for this week. They are a little later than usual, but there is still a few hours of Tuesday left in my part of the world so I still make it.
If you want to join us the click HERE.

1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.
I try to be politically correct, but in honesty, my true inner self isn't that politically correct person. I don't go out of my way to offend people, but I just don't know why the bleeding hearts have to continue to invent words so it seems like we aren't offending disadvantaged people or minority groups.

2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?
I have streaked in the past (who hasn't) but I don't know that I would do it now. I am a little older and a little wiser, and don't drink as much as I once did, so it is unlikely to happen these days.

3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?
It would depend on the sexual act, and where abouts it took place. I have had sex in the back of a parked car, at lunchtime, parked next to a popular park where more than 20 people were eating their lunch. That used to be a regular meeting spot with one of my lovers in days gone by. We don't see each other any more, however the park still remains.

4. Do you ever not have good table manners?
I think generally that I have good table manners all of the time. They are probably not up to the standard that would be required to dine with royalty, but I certainly don't disgrace myself at meal times either.

5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.
I don't think that I do fantasize about any public sexual acts. Perhaps I am not such an exhibitionist. Although, come to think of it, discrete sexual acts in public can be quite erotic as fantasies. Doing something in a public place and not having anyone notice could be quite a turn on.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.
I can't say that I have. I once let a woman blindfold me and tie me to a chair. She then used me as she pleased, but it was more her fantasy than mine. My current fantasy is to meet my secret lover in a hotel room, and then tease and pleasure her until she begs me to take her. I know it is not a very 'wild' fantasy, but believe me when I tell you it would be a dream come true for the two of us.